Sunday, May 22, 2005

Cross my heart, this happened today.

Old lady: Just one copy.
Me: Six cents please.
Old Lady: Here you go.
Me: Do you need a bag or an envelope or anything for that?
Old Lady: An envelope would be good. It's pretty windy out there, I need something to keep it stiff.
Me: I have that same problem.
Old Lady: ...
Me: Like, with the wind and, I mean, like. Here's your, um, envelope.

We're, going to the cha-pel;
and we're, gonnnaaaaa get fire-e-er-rd...

A letter to a friend:

Hey there, how's it going? What are you up to? Thats cool, thats cool. Hey, do you have a duck I could borrow? I know that sounds a little strange but I'm all out of chickens and we have the meeting tonight and it's my turn to bring. This'll be embarrassing if I don't get my hands on some poultry. I asked brother Deacon if I could bring a cat, as I have no particular affinity for Mr. Mingles, but he said "it would not appease the proper" somethingorother so it looks like I'm SOL. Anyways, let me know if you know of any small game I could borrow and not bring back kindathing.
Oh yeah, Carol said to ask if Lee Ann still had her cassorele dish from the jamboree last Friday. She's making some meat loaf for her dad and couldn't find the dish. Anyways, I better go, I think I hear Mr. Mingles in the bedroom. Damm cat shits like a chicken all over the house, I have half a mind to bring him and KFC strips and see what Chantmaster says. Anyways, see you at the plant on Monday,

ho ho ouch

Bob: My uncle died of natural causes.
Cliff: Really? What happened?
Bob: A tree fell on him.

I made him a bagel, woe is me

I prepared Red a bagel, and now I shed a tear for the cream cheese god.
Woe unto those who pull late night study sessions and make bagels for their friends.
The smooth sea of cream cheese that was in the container is gone.
Red attacked the white spread with reckless abandon, like a drunk Godzilla at a miniature golf course.
I must hide the peanut butter.
Why did you stab the cream cheese so? From where does this angst come?
I cradle the container in my hand like dying badger and sob silently.
Woe is me.
Woe, is, me.

Leg, breast, or thigh?

Well, I mean now where am I going to eat?

There goes 6hrs of my day

I've been in a linking mood recently, but I'm going to go ahead and call this the coolest site on the planet

It's not the homepage, but you'll get the idea